Iridescent Spirits

Shelter of a constantly changing Soul.


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The F Word

Last night I got a very uplifting message from one of my blogger friends. I have to admit we are real friends now and after talking about our everyday stuff and so on, she told me she’s missing my posts. Well, I miss them too.

To be honest, I didn’t truly disappear from WordPress. I did something worse than that. I came up, read some blog posts, liked them, and even started writing my own stuff. But then, all the great and meaningful ideas that made me writing lost their purpose. I felt that whatever I do was pointless and perfectly stupid. Unfrotunately, this was true for everything I’ve done even outside the blogosphere. I told my friend that I gave up. Not only on blogging but basically everything. I felt that I’m worthless, useless and that I’m perfectly nothing. You know, that is the most dangerous thing about depression. It can control your mind and if you let it it will eventually take the leading role of all of your life. What is more, it does it without you noticing it. Though, at the beginning you just feel something is not right but cannot really name the monster that crawled up from under your bed right into your thoughts. No matter how hard you try you cannot reveal it, because you can’t find it in it’s regular place anymore. After some point, you even may give up searching. I have to say this is one of the worst things I’ve ever done in my life.

I can remember how afraid I was when I handed in my draft of the very first story to writing class, and also I can remember how afraid I was when I published that same story on the blog I started back then. This blog I mean. I was so terrified of what people would say about what I hadwritten. I was scared they would hate it, criticise it or simply they wouldn’t understand it. But I also remember what a great relief and delight it caused me when I read the comments either here in the comments section or on the handouts I got back from my classmates.

Yes, there is something that can petrify me – all of us –  but as soon as I manage to get rid of that frozenness and follow my inner voice I will eventually get my reward for the persistence to keep on fighting. I just cannot let myself forget about this.

So, do you know now what that “F” stands for?

In the hope of meeting again soon,
Adri


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The Key to the Door Behind

Today’s task at Blogging U. is to write about the three most important songs in my life. There have already been lots of songs shared on my blog, either as a supporting feature for a story of mine, or in the centre of a certain blog post. I can say they all are very important to me, so this task was pretty hard for me. After thinking it over I decided I would write about the one and most important song of my life from the time when I was about 4-5 years old.

By now, most of you, who reads my blog, know well that how much music can influence me and my imagination. I wrote about it several times before so as avoiding repetition, now I would talk about my a little bit extraordinary relationship with music from a slightly different angle.

First of all, I hardly write posts when I’m “speaking” just like now, instead I try my best to write gripping stories that tell you about me and my emotions more effectively than I ever could. Well, that’s the thing with music as well. It uplifts me, unlocks doors that had been closed for years and were hiding in the back of my mind without my realisation.

Finally, let me present you the most important song of my life, from Sleeping Beauty… This is the hardest one, because I don’t know wither the composer, or the name of the song. I’ve heard it around twenty years ago, in the Hungarian (originally Japanese) edition of Grimm’s Fairy Tale Classics and it has stayed with me for all this time. Connecting the dots in hindsight, probably that was the one that made me fall in love with the sound of the violin, the one that made the desire to learn to play it a life-long desire, and also the one, that opened my eyes to see the path that led me towards the world of both anime and fairy tales. 🙂 I already know if I ever learnt to play it, I would cry out of happiness the first time I’d play it. 🙂 Though unfortunately, it doesn’t matter how many times I looked for it and how long hours I spent searching it, it never had any result, as if the song would never have existed.

So, now, I would humbly ask all of you who reads this post, that if you know anything about this song, please contact me! You cannot imagine how happy I would be! 

This was my fifteen minutes of free writing. Thank you! ❤

(I managed to find a latino version of the tale, the song starts at 10:28)