Iridescent Spirits

Shelter of a constantly changing Soul.

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The F Word

Last night I got a very uplifting message from one of my blogger friends. I have to admit we are real friends now and after talking about our everyday stuff and so on, she told me she’s missing my posts. Well, I miss them too.

To be honest, I didn’t truly disappear from WordPress. I did something worse than that. I came up, read some blog posts, liked them, and even started writing my own stuff. But then, all the great and meaningful ideas that made me writing lost their purpose. I felt that whatever I do was pointless and perfectly stupid. Unfrotunately, this was true for everything I’ve done even outside the blogosphere. I told my friend that I gave up. Not only on blogging but basically everything. I felt that I’m worthless, useless and that I’m perfectly nothing. You know, that is the most dangerous thing about depression. It can control your mind and if you let it it will eventually take the leading role of all of your life. What is more, it does it without you noticing it. Though, at the beginning you just feel something is not right but cannot really name the monster that crawled up from under your bed right into your thoughts. No matter how hard you try you cannot reveal it, because you can’t find it in it’s regular place anymore. After some point, you even may give up searching. I have to say this is one of the worst things I’ve ever done in my life.

I can remember how afraid I was when I handed in my draft of the very first story to writing class, and also I can remember how afraid I was when I published that same story on the blog I started back then. This blog I mean. I was so terrified of what people would say about what I hadwritten. I was scared they would hate it, criticise it or simply they wouldn’t understand it. But I also remember what a great relief and delight it caused me when I read the comments either here in the comments section or on the handouts I got back from my classmates.

Yes, there is something that can petrify me – all of us –  but as soon as I manage to get rid of that frozenness and follow my inner voice I will eventually get my reward for the persistence to keep on fighting. I just cannot let myself forget about this.

So, do you know now what that “F” stands for?

In the hope of meeting again soon,



A Little Bit of IridEssence

I’ve always had a pretty peculiar relationship with music. Ever since I was a child I liked classical music, especially the sound of violin, and it has never ceased to cause me goosebumps. I especially like instrumental music. That provides me with freedom and enlivens my whole existence. Whenever I listen to a song I love my brain becomes clear and the pain of the sometimes grievous real world disappears and only me and my imagination exist. My brain immediately starts creating colourful pictures irrispectively of where I heard that certain song or what music video it has. It urges, encourages and helps me tell my story.

All in all, music is what inspires me the most. Not only does it provide me with inspiration but also it is the biggest source of energy of mine. Whenever I feel sad, powerless or worn out, I hit the play button, the key to my imagination, and I disappear into my very own, safe and hidden world, which however dark can be never fails to fill me with light.

Now, let me present you with a little piece of my Imaginary World. 🙂

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Good(?) Neighbouring

Today’s assignment on Blogging 101 was to comment on four blogs you haven’t even known yet. So, here are the four blogs I commented on:

Why this? Because I am a type who actually hates unnecessary criticism, especially on appearance. I have braces and until I had enough money to have it, I had been bullied what my teeth look like ever since primary school. Probably due to this, now I don’t care what people look like and sometimes I don’t even realise things people criticise others about. That’s just the way I am. I think, what’s inside is more important than any appearance, no matter how wonderful it may be. And that would be really great if people in this busy world could stop for a moment to learn how to read between the lines.

The second one was about role models, here:

I tend to be really inconfident sometimes (just like everyone else) but there are people who manage to cheer me up whenever I’m down. And the point here, is that maybe what I do here seem to be strange, fuzzy or crazy, that is me after all, and I just have to keep being myself. This is what my role models taught me.

The third one was a simpler but still a meaningful post.

Well, therapy…lost of people could say a lot about it, so I think no special explanation is needed here.

The last one was on successful and happy people. I think, success comes to happy people easier, and happy people are aready successful. And why this post grabbed my attention is because I just want to be happy. Not especially rich or famous, just happy, whatever it means to me.

These were the ones I felt are somehow connected to me. All of them are great, so read them if you feel like, 🙂

Also, thanks for reading this, and sorry for the plain post. I’m not in a very creative mood today. 😛