First of all, I’m really really sorry for my long-long absence. I’ll be honest, I hated this period when my whole world turned upside-down and I didn’t have any idea how to balance my duties and all the things I like the most. It was hard, hateful, utterly exhausting and full of negativity. Duties..we all know these very well, but what I forgot, I have duties towards myself as well.
I missed blogging, my shelter and the people here, and maybe because of this I couldn’t find my place anywhere the wind of change swept me. I’ve let all the unimportant things to occupy my mind, and thus I was mislead from what is important to me. I did what I never wanted to; left the path I should walk on and that I managed find the hardest way. I also forgot about myself, my panic disorder that makes me unique, and let the circumstances make me believe I’m completely worthless only because I’m a little different.
The vicious circle started again, constant anxiety, panic attacks, sickening inconfidence, self-doubt, fear of speaking my mind and so on. I simply forgot how to care for myself. But you know what? I’ll restart all this learning process, I will do my best, let it be anything, let it be extraordinary, strange or even ridiculous; I’ll be me, I’ll keep writing my own fairy tale. Because I don’t want to feel this pain again and more importantly because it just has been proven that I cannot live my life any other way.