Iridescent Spirits

Shelter of a constantly changing Soul.


2 Comments

The Tear of Yesterday is the Hymn of Tomorrow

First of all, I’m really really sorry for my long-long absence. I’ll be honest, I hated this period when my whole world turned upside-down and I didn’t have any idea how to balance my duties and all the things I like the most. It was hard, hateful, utterly exhausting and full of negativity. Duties..we all know these very well, but what I forgot, I have duties towards myself as well.

I missed blogging, my shelter and the people here, and maybe because of this I couldn’t find my place anywhere the wind of change swept me. I’ve let all the unimportant things to occupy my mind, and thus I was mislead from what is important to me. I did what I never wanted to; left the path I should walk on and that I managed find the hardest way. I also forgot about myself, my panic disorder that makes me unique, and let the circumstances make me believe I’m completely worthless only because I’m a little different.

The vicious circle started again, constant anxiety, panic attacks, sickening inconfidence, self-doubt, fear of speaking my mind and so on. I simply forgot how to care for myself. But you know what? I’ll restart all this learning process, I will do my best, let it be anything, let it be extraordinary, strange or even ridiculous; I’ll be me, I’ll keep writing my own fairy tale. Because I don’t want to feel this pain again and more importantly because it just has been proven that I cannot live my life any other way.


Leave a comment

The Key to the Door Behind

Today’s task at Blogging U. is to write about the three most important songs in my life. There have already been lots of songs shared on my blog, either as a supporting feature for a story of mine, or in the centre of a certain blog post. I can say they all are very important to me, so this task was pretty hard for me. After thinking it over I decided I would write about the one and most important song of my life from the time when I was about 4-5 years old.

By now, most of you, who reads my blog, know well that how much music can influence me and my imagination. I wrote about it several times before so as avoiding repetition, now I would talk about my a little bit extraordinary relationship with music from a slightly different angle.

First of all, I hardly write posts when I’m “speaking” just like now, instead I try my best to write gripping stories that tell you about me and my emotions more effectively than I ever could. Well, that’s the thing with music as well. It uplifts me, unlocks doors that had been closed for years and were hiding in the back of my mind without my realisation.

Finally, let me present you the most important song of my life, from Sleeping Beauty… This is the hardest one, because I don’t know wither the composer, or the name of the song. I’ve heard it around twenty years ago, in the Hungarian (originally Japanese) edition of Grimm’s Fairy Tale Classics and it has stayed with me for all this time. Connecting the dots in hindsight, probably that was the one that made me fall in love with the sound of the violin, the one that made the desire to learn to play it a life-long desire, and also the one, that opened my eyes to see the path that led me towards the world of both anime and fairy tales. 🙂 I already know if I ever learnt to play it, I would cry out of happiness the first time I’d play it. 🙂 Though unfortunately, it doesn’t matter how many times I looked for it and how long hours I spent searching it, it never had any result, as if the song would never have existed.

So, now, I would humbly ask all of you who reads this post, that if you know anything about this song, please contact me! You cannot imagine how happy I would be! 

This was my fifteen minutes of free writing. Thank you! ❤

(I managed to find a latino version of the tale, the song starts at 10:28)


Leave a comment

The Panic Project #4: The Doll House

The cool wind blows gently, flattering the dusty-white frills of my dress, but my fake skin cannot feel it. I am alive but there is no sound echoing in my chest. I can move my limbs, though everything is so big and far away, I cannot reach them no matter how hard I try. My breath gets quicker, though my lungs seemingly cannot get enough air in it. My chest hurts, though there is nothing in it. Only the unbearable weight of emptyness sits calmly on my shoulders. My bones would crack under it, though I can only feel the structure of a hand-made body relentlessly resisting any force.  

The whole world has become transparent and terrifyingly solid at the same time and I got lost in it. Like a huge cage, of which I cannot see or touch the cell bars.

Tears would roll down my delicate face but my shiny eyes remain as dry as a desert. When I try to speak my voice sounds like a far away whisper of a wandering stray ghost. I’m shouting but no one out there can hear me. I would run away but my short legs take me nowhere.

I am silent, sitting unmovingly with my emotionless face, deemed to ceaselessly wait for someone to take me with themselves. But who could be that someone? Who would want such a strange creature I have become?

This cannot be reality… Can it?

Next post on 4th April. Stay tuned!


Leave a comment

Going Back

The thing that shakes my whole existence, the one that makes me feel as my real home, wherever it is, is calling for me. You know what it is already, don’t you? I am talking about music 🙂

The story of the Tiny Monster is very close to me, I think from the stories I’ve posted here I am the most satisfied with that one. Also, that was the second story of mine that was read by other people instead of simply landing in the depths of my thoughts and my desk.

I do miss blogging, since I’ve started work I don’t have much time to come up with anything new, I don’t even have time to think about my stuff. I’ve felt a bit strange lately, and I realised that’s because the imaginary world of mine is left a bit abandoned, without any visitor. But it’s still there, and I don’t want to forget about it.

So, today I’d like to invite you to (re)read with me one of the stories that had the most powerful effect on me.
 Viridian (Part One) along with the song that inspired it.

Enjoy!

 


4 Comments

The Panic Project #3: Monsters

Crawling in the dark, he steals your most precious possessions without you noticing it.

His deformed shape sheds the most terrible shadows on the purest and most beautiful things. Even he’s walking with a drag he’s faster than her. She feels utter disgust in his presence yet he just crawls closer and closer to her and she cannot do anything about it. No matter how hard she is trying to back down he’s immediately behind her back. He let’s her feel safe for a moment as he is out of sight but as soon as she smells the rotting scent of the gnome, he stabs her right in the heart.

With the golden dagger in her chest, he lets her fall behind. While her blood fills the cracks of the stone floor like little red springs, he stands there doing nothing. And then, comes his master, the purest and most majestic yet the most obscure creature in the world. The exact opposite of the little gnome, his strong presence makes even the botched little beast be afraid.

She’s still lying on the hard and cold floor half-dead, half hearing the conversation between the two. None of them were about to help. All of a sudden, a monstrous face appears in front of her, she cannot decide if it is reality or imagination. Then, a gruff voice starts echoing in her head,

“Do you know who I am?”

Next post on 21 March. Stay tuned!


5 Comments

A Little Bit of IridEssence

I’ve always had a pretty peculiar relationship with music. Ever since I was a child I liked classical music, especially the sound of violin, and it has never ceased to cause me goosebumps. I especially like instrumental music. That provides me with freedom and enlivens my whole existence. Whenever I listen to a song I love my brain becomes clear and the pain of the sometimes grievous real world disappears and only me and my imagination exist. My brain immediately starts creating colourful pictures irrispectively of where I heard that certain song or what music video it has. It urges, encourages and helps me tell my story.

All in all, music is what inspires me the most. Not only does it provide me with inspiration but also it is the biggest source of energy of mine. Whenever I feel sad, powerless or worn out, I hit the play button, the key to my imagination, and I disappear into my very own, safe and hidden world, which however dark can be never fails to fill me with light.

Now, let me present you with a little piece of my Imaginary World. 🙂

Continue reading


4 Comments

We All Are Warriors

We all have our problems, fears, duties and sometimes, no, actually pretty frequently our disorders. There are times when we all are afraid of lots of things. I told you a several times before I am usually afraid of showing my real self. There is no exception when it comes to blogging, unfortunately. There are drafts and half-written stories I am temporarily afraid to post because of the innate fear of judgement. The need to please others, remember? At times like this I like to escape to my dream world but nowadays I come back soon because I made a decision.

I decided that I want to create a better and happier future for myself. I had to realise that this decision was made more than in my mind, in my whole body, nerves and even tissues. These are that call me back from my imaginary world sooner than before. To do something, to create something, and make a better me. This is why I blog after all. I am here because I want to be here, where I happened to meet lots of people with similar problems and goals as mine. They are who give me strenght, their sole presence proving that I’m not alone. Those who try their best to rebuild themselves sometimes from ruins. The strength in these people is amazingly inspiring.

Here’s a song that always fills me up with hope and that urges me to love this half-full person who I am with all my flaws and the uniquness that my panic disorder provided me with. It can be a great thing, really. There is a good and bad side of everything, remember? Do not forget it ever.

I love the lyrics, and the video as well. Though, I’m not a big gamer myself, the symbolism in this one is pretty strong. My favourite is the fight in the clouds. Those shadows remind me of the harmful thoughts and hardships we all go trough, in other words our demons. Whenever I listen to this song I feel I have enough strength to win, to be one of the warriors I talked about.