Iridescent Spirits

Shelter of a constantly changing Soul.


2 Comments

When I said I want to make my fairy tales reality I didn’t mean I wanted to end up as the Monster in the Forest…

I know I’ve been waaay too much away but I had my reasons. Writer’s block would be here a lame excuse and in fact this time, this is not what it’s all about.

I’ve been struggling both as an introvert and also as someone who fights mental illness secretly and all alone. It’s not enough that panic disorder and all mental illnesses are heavily stigmatized they are complex and living their own lives while creating newer and newer hardened by time problems.

One of this in my case is that heavy compulsion for conformity of mine. I’ve always been the weakest of the pack wherever I’ve been and the one who obeyed even if I didn’t want to. The other day, someone actually told me (after a few days of acquaintance) that I’m a type who can easily be used so not to be surprised if I am getting stepped on. The other thing is that I never trust anybody, so I speak the least of my personal problems, even the least ones. I am simply afraid of people, labelling me as a weenie, like they had done it so many times in the past. I am afraid that no one understands me, as even my closest people, who are well aware of my disorder, acts like as if I had no special problems, only a little of sloth and stuff like this. In fact, it became incredibly hard to live this way. I feel like I’m all alone with this struggle and sometimes I’m terribly afraid that I could go mad in any minute. I’ve picked up an extremely (and sometimes aggressively) defensive attitude, avoiding any confrontation, and being highly conscious of picking the words I say that could not be misunderstood so easily. In other words I am afraid of being myself. I feel like I am like a thin glass that could be shattered by even a gentle breeze, and I’m fed up with this.

The other day, or maybe weeks ago, I don’t know now, I found a great post shared by luckyottershaven, about sensitive people. It is a great article telling everything that needs to be known about these kind of people way better than I ever could, I highly recommend it, if you’re interested you can read it here:

“How Highly Sensitive People Interact with the World Differently”

The other thing with my high sensitivity and the one that has something to do with my decline in blogging, is that I’ve been suspecting for a while now, that I am working with a narcissist, in twelve hours a day. Most of you know well that how abusive narcissists are and if you read the article above, now you see how mentally tiring and destructive it is for me. I’m not complaining I just had to give it out. I’m tired and angry. I would be really happy if people could be more considerate towards others, not only towards people with mental illness but also towards all of us.

Because after all..

mad

Advertisements


5 Comments

Shh..

shh

 

They say it a lot.

“Don’t tell anyone about it… about your life, as there are poor spirited people who feed themselves on others’ pain. Or they make use of it on your disadvantage. Just hide it, hide everything and you will be fine.”

They say it a lot.

But they never say that silence can be more harmful than knowledge.

What if they knew all about me? My past, my illness and all the things they don’t know, and all the things that make me seem strange in their eyes. My past is past. My illness is still with me. And in fact, I feel much better when someone knows about my panic disorder. I use it not as an excuse for my behaviour, but it sets me free. Once I say it out loud ‘I have panic disorder’ all my fears disappear. I stop thinking about what they think about me. They know it and they can do with that info whatever they want. I am not afraid. Maybe because most of the time people cannot say a word as they had never met the illness before.

Maybe there are situations when I shouldn’t talk about it, people that shouldn’t know about it, but to be honest, I really don’t know how they could hurt me with this knowledge. Yet, I am well aware that poor spirited people can come up with the most incredible methods of trying to tear someone down.

But I am still wondering about this; Should I remain silent under any circumstances? Or I should ask just this; Under any circumstances?


1 Comment

Petition for apology – Bipolar stigmatisation

How utterly disgusting this is..It’s one thing I was told a lot by my friends and family for my panic disorder that I’m just whining because they were unable to understand it but having loads of people on, and looking down upon the strength these illnesses require is just unacceptable. I’m so sick of this.

BY LAUREN HAYLEY

I can’t actually believe people still get away with stigmatising mental illness, and that it is then allowed to be broadcast either via radio or TV. It is disgusting and proves that there is still a lot of hard work to be done to eliminate these ignorant views.

Please sign this petition to help gain an apology from American radio host, Tom Sullivan, who mocked Bipolar Disorder on air – labelling it as ‘made up’ and ‘the latest fad’.

images

It will take two minutes of your time, showing that you will not stand for these types of derogatory labels being put on the very real and painful mental illnesses that we suffer with.

http://www.thepetitionsite.com/takeaction/423/911/836/

lovelauren

View original post


7 Comments

Good(?) Neighbouring

Today’s assignment on Blogging 101 was to comment on four blogs you haven’t even known yet. So, here are the four blogs I commented on:

https://amommasview.wordpress.com/2015/01/14/ideals-of-beauty/

Why this? Because I am a type who actually hates unnecessary criticism, especially on appearance. I have braces and until I had enough money to have it, I had been bullied what my teeth look like ever since primary school. Probably due to this, now I don’t care what people look like and sometimes I don’t even realise things people criticise others about. That’s just the way I am. I think, what’s inside is more important than any appearance, no matter how wonderful it may be. And that would be really great if people in this busy world could stop for a moment to learn how to read between the lines.

The second one was about role models, here:

https://kandyandy.wordpress.com/2015/01/14/role-models/

I tend to be really inconfident sometimes (just like everyone else) but there are people who manage to cheer me up whenever I’m down. And the point here, is that maybe what I do here seem to be strange, fuzzy or crazy, that is me after all, and I just have to keep being myself. This is what my role models taught me.

The third one was a simpler but still a meaningful post.

https://processpositive.wordpress.com/2015/01/13/therapist/

Well, therapy…lost of people could say a lot about it, so I think no special explanation is needed here.

The last one was on successful and happy people. I think, success comes to happy people easier, and happy people are aready successful. And why this post grabbed my attention is because I just want to be happy. Not especially rich or famous, just happy, whatever it means to me.

http://galesmind.com/2015/01/13/sucessful-people/

These were the ones I felt are somehow connected to me. All of them are great, so read them if you feel like, 🙂

Also, thanks for reading this, and sorry for the plain post. I’m not in a very creative mood today. 😛