Way earlier me and my psychologist were talking about a self-helping book that was written with the purpose of developing solid self-confidence and esteem.
The book said, very correctly I add, that building our self-confidence and self-esteem based on other people and outside occurrences is not reasonable and won’t remain stable. For example, if I have a great job, I shouldn’t be confident solely about it because at the time I get fired or the company I worked for, let’s say twenty years or throughout my whole life, closes I may lose not only my confidence but also my purpose of life. Things like this can cause severe depression that will be hard to overcome if I stick to them too much. There were several other examples similar to this. We agreed on that the writer of the book was right on this. At least half.
Because I said, that okay he’s right, I cannot or more correctly shouldn’t base my self-confidence on such a thing because we all know nothing lasts long. But something bothered me about this idea. I told my psychologist that yeah, again it’s a good advice, but if I just sit in my room, doing nothing I won’t develop real self-confidence. Instead, I’ll unconsciously build a shell around me. Because yes, if I do nothing just sitting in my room I can have a feeling that I am confident. But it’s not real, it’s only because I am in my comfort-zone, and when I go out and meet new people I won’t have the courage to talk to them and show my real self. So, here I was stuck. My psychologist told me I hit the nail on the head. There was something wrong about that idea.
In the end, we concluded that we need to do something to create and develop our self-confidence. We do need something outsider to strengthen it. But as the book advised we shouldn’t build it on a job. That’s clear we saw the point of it. But instead, we said, we could base it on the feeling that I can/could do this job, and very well. Like the thing with hobbies. The point is not that what I do, but how I feel about it, and to this I do need some outsider effects. I just have to use them differently. The same goes for people’s opinion. Encouraging words and high statistics can and do provide us with and extra boost to our self-confidence, yet at the moment it dramatically decreases we may feel this whole stuff pointless. But that’s not true. What matters is, do I like blogging? Yes, I definitely do! 😉 It’s not that my circumstances use my self-confidence, but I use the circumstances to keep my self-confidence, or at least this is what I think.