Iridescent Spirits

Shelter of a constantly changing Soul.

Solid Self-esteem


Way earlier me and my psychologist were talking about a self-helping book that was written with the purpose of developing solid self-confidence and esteem.

The book said, very correctly I add, that building our self-confidence and self-esteem based on other people and outside occurrences is not reasonable and won’t remain stable. For example, if I have a great job, I shouldn’t be confident solely about it because at the time I get fired or the company I worked for, let’s say twenty years or throughout my whole life, closes I may lose not only my confidence but also my purpose of life. Things like this can cause severe depression that will be hard to overcome if I stick to them too much. There were several other examples similar to this. We agreed on that the writer of the book was right on this. At least half.

Because I said, that okay he’s right, I cannot or more correctly shouldn’t base my self-confidence on such a thing because we all know nothing lasts long. But something bothered me about this idea. I told my psychologist that yeah, again it’s a good advice, but if I just sit in my room, doing nothing I won’t develop real self-confidence. Instead, I’ll unconsciously build a shell around me. Because yes, if I do nothing just sitting in my room I can have a feeling that I am confident. But it’s not real, it’s only because I am in my comfort-zone, and when I go out and meet new people I won’t have the courage to talk to them and show my real self. So, here I was stuck. My psychologist told me I hit the nail on the head. There was something wrong about that idea.

In the end, we concluded that we need to do something to create and develop our self-confidence. We do need something outsider to strengthen it. But as the book advised we shouldn’t build it on a job. That’s clear we saw the point of it. But instead, we said, we could base it on the feeling that I can/could do this job, and very well. Like the thing with hobbies. The point is not that what I do, but how I feel about it, and to this I do need some outsider effects. I just have to use them differently. The same goes for people’s opinion. Encouraging words and high statistics can and do provide us with and extra boost to our self-confidence, yet at the moment it dramatically decreases we may feel this whole stuff pointless. But that’s not true. What matters is, do I like blogging? Yes, I definitely do! 😉 It’s not that my circumstances use my self-confidence, but I use the circumstances to keep my self-confidence, or at least this is what I think.


3 thoughts on “Solid Self-esteem

  1. My psychologist told me to do the things I was best at to build self esteem. The idea being when you do things you are good at, you feel good about yourself and it will result possibly in others praising you for your accomplishments as well. There is also the ‘fake it till you make it’ process where you act like you have self confidence and constantly tell yourself you have confidence and it shows and eventually you will believe it – a self fulfilling prophecy of sorts.

    Liked by 1 person

    • Yep. Just like the thing with the fake smile. Do it a lot and you will be happy. There are lot more of these, the one I mentioned was a little bit only, I found it interesting to share. Thanks for sharing your own experience 🙂 I appreciate it much.

      Liked by 1 person

  2. Pingback: Solid Self-esteem Pt. 2 | Iridescent Spirits

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