Not only I usually daydreamt during boring classes, but when it came to doing my homework I always wanted to do something else. Even at university, when I had to study for an exam I wanted to study for another one that was scheduled later, and when the later exam was near, again, I wanted to study for another. 😀 It was like hell.
And I still didn’t change. As I’ve said before I write stories about me and my struggles. It is time to post the next story for The Colour Book of Spirits published here. I have the plot in my head and I’ve already started working on it, but my mood changed again so this weekend I’ll work on another project of mine that I started earlier. Actually, this one was the first idea that evolved into a whole story into my mind. It will be hard, I know. There are lots of things I still have to face and this story is quite scary to me, not because of the plot itself, but because of the PD. So, I don’t know when it will be finished but I’m sure I’ll be much better by the end of it.
A little fun fact: as I am a not really good student one time I failed an exam because I got inspired and worked on this story all the night before the exam. 😛 Well, this is how inspiration works, I guess.
This one is going to be about my panic disorder, because there were/are many people around me who cannot understand what I’m going through and before the proper diagnosis they ignored or denied any signs of my illness. With this, I want to show them what’s it like, how scary it can be and how hard it is living with it. And also how serious it is. So, you can guess, this won’t be a fairy tale.
Although, the idea came years ago the meaning of the story became clear to me when this dialogue happened between me and my psychologist:
– What is it like when you are having one of those attacks?
– It is like..my chest hurts and I cannot breathe. I have to sit down to the floor leaning my back next to a wall and have to hold myself with my arms bent around me tight, because otherwise I feel like I would fall into pieces. It’s like a crack starting from my chest and it goes all over my body. As if I was made of porcelain, like a doll.
– I cannot imagine this. Try to explain it better.
Well, I will. 😉
Until I finish it, here’s a little foretaste of the mood of the story: