Actually, I started this blog in a haste. I had no idea what I wanted it to be, the name of it came concerning the stories I wanted to post. In the beginning it had nothing to do with myself, or at least I thought so.
About a year ago, if someone asked me who I was, or describe myself with a few words, I couldn’t have said anything. Really, anything at all. At that time, my primary goal, before I thought about starting a blog, was to clear away the shadow I was, depending on others, and step out from invisibility.
Ever since I was a child I created little seeds of stories inside my mind, accessible to nobody, and let them blossom. I never wrote down anything, instead I used this to escape from reality.
As time went by, instead of filling my life with happy and exciting memories I became more self-constrained and kept losing my friends. I became more afraid of people than ever. I spent more and more time within my inner world and eventually I became frightened because I realised that that won’t do any good to me. I had to maintain a real life, I had obligations and duties I couldn’t fulfil until I stepped out from the imaginary world. But I didn’t want to abandon it completely so I thought instead of erasing it I should make it as real as possible.
I wanted my people whom I loved and sometimes feared to be real. I wanted them to talk I wanted to know more about their stories as well and so on. Also, I wanted to show others like me that they are not alone, and I needed to feel that I am not alone as well.
To tell the truth, I’ve never been good at speaking my mind with exact words that’s why I decided that I was going to post fantasy stories. They also provided a safer way of exposing myself since they can be interpreted in many ways and not everyone could understand the real meaning behind them. Symbolism is awesome, isn’t it? 😉
As I progressed with the stories, I finally realised that they are all about me, stuff I was afraid facing and tried to hide even from myself. I also became more confident about those stories. Not because I think they are that great but because I gradually lost that innate fear of people’s opinions. Instead of fear, now I feel excitement and I began to like my stories even more. I also think I began to like myself a little more as well. That’s me after all, even with the darker spots of my soul.
Although, I am still not sure who I am, I found something that makes me unique and I became more self-conscious. The dreams and desires I abandoned, are gradually coming back as an inner voice, and I have a strong feeling that I have to follow it. I want to regain that cheerful, everyone-loving girl I used to be. And I feel I’m on the good way to achieve it with this blog. It teaches me several things about myself and helps me clearing my thoughts and spirit. I am really thankful and I haven’t been as happy as I am right now for a long time.
Finally, I strongly believe that in this world there are no coincidences. And when I think of my blog and self-discoveries and even this very assignment, my belief has just been proven. 🙂